An open letter

Dear douchecanoes of the world,

Let me start out by saying that you play a great game. I mean really, you say all the right things at the right times for a week or two. Make women start to fall for you. Maybe you take them out. Maybe you invite them over, spend the day watching movies and talking about life while snuggling on the couch and in your super soft bed. However you do it, you do it good. You make it look flawless.

Then, it happens. You realize you are starting to fall for her. OH, THE HORROR! God forbid you find a fucking awesome woman. You know...the kind who wants to gets married and stay home and have your 4 babies and be the housewife she has always dreamed of being. (You may or may not have kind of sorta promised her that already. Please see the previous paragraph) And what do you do? Panic. Naturally. I would imagine this is like fight or flight mode for you. After all, desperate times call for desperate measures. And being the douchecanoe that you are, you think of what could possibly hurt the worst. Your choice? Ignoring her for a fucking week. Like, you go out of your way to ignore her. Forget the fact that she has asked you 3 times this week to meet up for lunch. Forget the fact that the friends that set you two up, specifically told you that she has had nothing but horrible relationships so be patient with her. And the most important thing to forget? HER FEELINGS.

So once she has probably made a completely fool out of herself and sent you an email explaining why the way she is and listing out every fucking insecurity she has, you stoop to the next lowest level possible. Blame it ALL on her. Gold star for you, douchecanoe. Yes, you blame it all on her and her insecurities. I mean, sure we all have them but ohhhh nooooo, not to her extent. You make it seem like she is some meek, soft-spoken woman but in reality, if you had gotten to know her a little better, you would have seen she was the exact opposite. "Your insecurities are running your life" and "You need to have more confidence" is what you tell her. Because, you know, the week you fucking ignored her really did a number on her. You simply made it about a million times worse.

Overall, she may have been pretty insecure. She may have needed that push to get the help she needed. But ultimately, she never asked you to fix her. She never wanted you to fix her. She just simply wanted you to love her for her and you couldn't handle that. You get an A++ for showing her just how much you couldn't handle. She is going to be A-OKAY soon enough. She'll keep moving forward. She is going to show the world what she is made of. And quite frankly, she'll be the best thing you never have. And there you'll be...still being a douchecanoe.

Fuck you, asshat, I was worth it.