perspective.

It's always funny how little things pop up in life and show you things aren't so bad after all. The bible verse above was sent to me last night by a good friend. It makes me stop and think "Is this how people see me and think of me?" After all, she said when she saw it, she immediately thought of me. The more I think about this, the more it snowballs for me. I have been wallowing in such self pity lately that it's straight up ridiculous. What she should have send me was something along the lines of "Hey crazy, it's called life, suck it up." But she didn't. Instead, she chose something uplifting and positive. Every now and then, we all need that kick in the ass. I doubt I am anywhere close to being that bible verse let along being a "Proverbs 31 woman". I am humbled that someone who has seen me complain SO MUCH lately, would see that and immediately think of me. It reminds me that I need to reprioritize life again. Things like being "Negative Nancy", wallowing and complaining all need to go. I gave it up once so why in the hell did I start back? Life is too short for that. I have to stop with these pity parties, because afterall, I like my parties with cake and ice cream. I think C.S. Lewis sait it best:

 

"There are far, far better thinks ahead than any we leave behind."

 

I need to burn that in my brain. Tattoo it on my forehead. Write it down and stick it EVERYWHERE so I read it multiple times a day and BELIEVE IT. Greater things are yet to come and greater things are still to be done. This isn't the end of the world. This too shall pass. It's just life. It's just another chapter in my book. God is starting the next one.

 

Perspective. Now I have it.

well, well, well

It appears I have fallen off the blog wagon again. I really intended to start off the new year writing more on here but then life happened. Vegas. Moving the office. Spending 5 days in bed due to a horrible case of the flu. That was just in January. We won't even get into how my gallbladder decided it was going to just up and quit on me and the surgery I had in March to have it evicted. And 3 weeks after that, we went on vacation back home to Canada to see my grandparents and my grandmother became very ill and passed away while we were there. It was rough. SOMEONE HOLD ME. One of my favorite old sayings has proven very true over the last two years "nothing happens and nothing happens and then EVERYTHING happens." I had years of nothing happening and then these last two years has been jammed packed. Yall. This life business ain't no joke.

I'm having one of those moments weeks with another one of my favorite quotes. "It's funny how day by day nothing changes. But, when you look back, everything is different." I hate when the past comes back to visit. It's not easy. Especially when you think you are doing really well and then you hear something and BOOM, it rocks your world. We're talking...shakes you to your absolute core. Thankfully I have been house sitting for the last week because I need time to process it and fall apart and be angry and cry buckets full of tears. I was a complete mess until late Tuesday night. I was pretty sure I had lost my damn mind and was gold star certified crazy and now, I have some kind of strange peace. I still get a little teary now and then but for the most part, I'm doing much better now. I hate when things like this catch me off guard. I just have to take time and grieve over what I need to and put it in the past. I have to remember to let the past make me better, not bitter. And that's where the above quote walks right in. Compared to where I was and who I was 2 years ago, my life is SO MUCH BETTER now. I can't even begin to describe how I have changed in that time, especially in the last 18 months. I'm going to be OKAY. I mean...I always am. I'm thankful for my great friends that are so supportive of me and my crazy.

I promise to try and start writing more!

Preach. Teach. Learn.

What an interesting month this has been.

Someone I worked with quit last week. It was epic. I'm sure you are wondering why I would ever write about her in a blog. I'm kind of wondering that myself. She was one of those people that would be real nice to your face and then stab you in the back if you weren't careful. Just downright hateful sometimes. She drove me nuts. I still can't figure out how you can work somewhere for two years and still not know how to write an order properly. I even broke it down Crayola style for this lady. On top of that, how can you sit somewhere and not do anything for hours at a time? How can you argue with someone when they are showing you the right way to do something and you KNOW this is the right way to do it?! It's like we would say "the sky is blue" and she would say "no, the sky is pink". It still blows my mind.

The saying stands true though..."some people come into your life as a blessing while some come into your life as a lesson." She was a lesson, for sure. Things with her didn't start out horrible. I was actually really hopeful that she was going to work out. Then about a year ago, things changed with her. She started to be mean and hateful in the things she did. It's hard. It's hard to not dish it back to her and it's hard to let it not control your emotions. I will gladly admit that I dished it back and let it control my emotions. After all, you reap what you sow, right? Right. The more I thought about it, the more I realized that I shouldn't let this hateful woman bother me. I killed her with kindness and it drove her up a wall. There were times that I did dish her hatefulness right back to her. I am human, after-all.

I have learned that if you do good, you'll feel good. Life is too short to be petty over things. There is no need to be rude or ugly or hateful. Have a good attitude on life. Of course we all have bad days but we have to remember that it's exactly that. Just a bad day...not a bad life. If you want change, change has to start with YOU first. You have to be willing to accept the change. Overthinking will ruin things and make things worse than they actually are. Stop the glorification of busy and LIVE a little. The laundry can wait another day...go to the park and swing or something. Go people watch. Just go do something. Keep a smile on your face...you NEVER know when it could cheer someone up. It's the little things, yall. The little things that make this terrible world a much better place. 

Lord knows I need to practice what I preach. I'm learning, though, I'm learning.

thankful

Have you ever met someone and your life changed for the better? It happened to me this year. The things I have learned about myself this year, partly because of this person, blows my mind. I've said it before but it's totally worth saying again: "It's funny how day by day, nothing changes. But, when you look back, everything is different." It's one of those things....sometimes, I stop and think "how in the world did I make it this far living like this?!" It's funny how things work out...

I wish I could really explain to him just how much he means to me. How awesome, smart, exciting, passionate, and amazing he is. He never believes it. Sometimes it's sad to me that he doesn't see those things. But then I am reminded that once upon a time, until just recently, I didn't see those things about myself. And if I did, I didn't believe them. Society and those who are close to us has a weird way of messing those up for us. We all have our own demons to battle. There's another saying that is something along the lines of "If everyone put their problems into a pile and saw what everyone is struggling with, we'd go back and get our own problems". We have to be willing to let the past make us better...not bitter. That is something I'm still learning. I can't beat myself up for something that happened to me in high school or college. I have to learn to accept that it happened and let it go. Sometimes, I have no problems with that but other times...it's like facing a fate worse than death.

One of these days he'll finally believe me, the same way I finally believe him.

I have a lot to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.

my oh my

I am such a slacker at this blog. I miss writing. It's always so nice to get stuff out....even my silly little thoughts that make me giggle.

Lots has happened since I last wrote. Patience finally paid off and I now have health insurance. Praise God for that. I was sick for 30 days this summer with no insurance. THIRTY DAYS. It was horrible and at some points, I was fairly certain I was dying. Between my regular doctor and my dermatologist, in those 30 days, I was at the doctor 4 times. I was on 2 different antibiotics (one gave me an lovely allergic reaction). It was also about 9,000 degrees hotter than the surface of the sun so on top of dying, I had a horrible heat rash at the same time as an allergic reaction. It was epic. My motto in those 30 days was "go big or go home". I'm still trying to figure out how I came up with the $500+ I spent between doctor visits and medicine and orange juice. I wish I lived somewhere more tropical so I could grow my own oranges. The health insurance is amazing. I had two wellness check ups and I haven't had to pay anything. It was a huge weight lifted.

My last post was about going to school. Like I said, I was dying incredibly sick this summer. That put a wrench in my plans. Between money and having to preregister, I never got around to it. The more I started thinking about it, the more I decided that this isn't the right time for me to go back right now. Maybe one day I will. But for now, I'm pretty happy with things. The office is moving and I'm already over it. February will be here soon enough! It's worth it because it's in a much safer/nicer part of town. I just have to remember that it'll work out. We will be gone for a week in January for our yearly tradeshow we attend and we start moving stuff around the time we leave for Vegas and then come back to start moving everything into the new office. It'll be intense. But like I said...it's gonna work out.

Hopefully, I will start writing more here.

School

I am going back to school.

Yes, you read that right. I have decided it’s time that I do something else in life. I’ve grown restless. I feel like I’m stuck at a job with a glass ceiling. There is nowhere else for me to go other than back to school. I have always wanted to be a nurse. So while I was off last week, I had an appointment with Baptist School of Nursing here in Memphis to discuss what it would take for me to get into their program. OMW. It was overwhelming just going downtown to meet with them but then I heard what all I needed to do and it scared the hell out of me. But, I know this is what I want to do. SO. Here I am, almost 27 and I’m going back to school. I need to take a few more core classes (ie: nutrition, A&P and its lab, Microbiology, and a few others) to help raise my GPA to make me more competitive. I can take them at the local community college and the good news is, they will all transfer to Baptist! Plus, it’ll help me out when I start the program. It’ll just be a few less classes I need to take. I hope to start those in the fall at night. I’ll have to keep working to pay off my debt and to keep paying all my bills. I’m looking to start in the fall of 2013 or maybe spring of 2014. If I can take the classes I want to at Northwest, then he said I should be able to start right in with the nursing program. It’ll be a trimester of their prep classes and then starts clinical trimesters. It should take me 2-3 years to complete the program…depending on the track I take. They have a “day school track” and a “night/weekend school track”. I’m hoping they accept me into the “night/weekend school track” so I can keep working full time.

So that’s where I’m at right now. It’s scary. It’s overwhelming. But mostly, it’s exciting. 

I can’t wait.

Life lessons from UPS, yall.

The UPS guy that likes me delivered today. Here's the conversation:

Bryce: "Well hello Ms Vicki!!!"
Vicki: "Hello Bryce"
B: "Where do you want me to put the boxes?"
V: "The table will be fine."
B: "Where is Mr. Irving today? Is he working?"
V: "Hell, I don't know where he is! I've been getting caught up from being off last week."
B: "OH you were on vacation?! How was it?"
V: "No, mom had brain surgery and I was in a wedding on Saturday so I took last week off"
B: "SO sorry to hear about your mom. If I recall, haven't you been in several weddings?"
V: "Yes, quite a few."
B: "So when will it be your turn to get married?"
V: "I'm not sure." I wanted to be all "ARE YOU ASKING?!"
B: "Well, whoever the lucky guy is will be the luckiest guy in the world"
V: "Well thank you, Bryce"
B: "You are an amazing and beautiful woman!"
V: "I'm not a stop along the way....I'm the destination"
B: "Well, they always say good things come to those who wait and I really do think you have something big and amazing coming your way, Ms. Vicki. I really do believe it."

Then he had to go. Life lessons from UPS, yall.