It's just the start

(This is what I wrote in my journal last night. I hadn't written in it since March 1st. I feel more at peace with things right now. I have got to keep writing. I always feel so much better afterwards.)


It's been far too long since I've written. So much has happened in the last 18 days. Mostly good. I'm learning to let go of a ton of crap in life. Most if it is petty and I'm not quite sure why I let it try to control me. I guess it's just part of who I am. I've spent quite a bit of time with family lately and I think it's what I needed. Plus, we were at the beach. I think I just needed time in a beautiful place to clear my head. I feel steady peace creeping back into my life. I haven't had that in quite a while. Having some kind of peace always helps! For a while, I kept getting this terrible, overwhelming feeling in me. It's hard to explain. When it happened, I would just want to hit something until it felt as bad as I did at that exact moment. I finally had to realize that by doing that,nothing would be solved. My life wouldn't be any better. It's kind of like worrying-worrying is like a rocking chair, it gets you nowhere, it just gives you something to do. Lots of other stuff has happened and in the process of watching this unfold and seeing how people react, it only makes me want to strive to be outgoing and different in a good way. I don't want to head down that same path and if something doesn't change soon, I am on a fast track for a life I don't want. I'm glad I can realize that now. God is so good to me. My family is my rock and my friends are my saving grace. I hope they know how much they mean to me. My life is pretty awesome...it's just time for me to believe that.

It's just the start.

overwhelmed

I just got back from a lovely 4 day trip to the beach. I wish I could do that once a month. It was so nice to get away for a few days.

I'm picking myself apart again. Driving home yesterday, I got this horrible overwhelmed feeling. I can't explain it. It's been so hard. I have peace but I'm not okay sometimes. Sometimes, I wish I could just hit something until it feels as bad as I do inside.

I need a hobby. Like...painting. Or something.

life goes on

there are things that we don't to happen but have to accept,

things we don't want to know but have to learn,

and people who we can't live without but have to let go.

and life goes on.