I am distraught right now. These last few weeks have been really trying on me.
Monday, May 7, 2012
Sunday, April 15, 2012
welcome to the south, yall.
I saw that and knew exactly what I needed to write about.
I used to hate living in Mississippi. I'll be honest. I would wonder what I did to get stuck in this hell hole. And if I'm being really honest, sometimes I still wonder that. Mostly because of the town I live in and the pressure people put on you to get married and have babies. But yeah, I used to hate this place. I'm not sure what exactly changed my mind about liking it. Slowly over the years, I've grown to like this place and it's now where I call home. It's too hard to explain to people that I was born in Germany because dad was in the Army and I lived on a gated Army base for the first 7 years of my life....because then I get asked if I have a green card and I have to be ugly to people. So I just say that I am from Mississippi and if I'm out of town, people start talking to me slow. But now, I couldn't imagine living anywhere but the south. I love the slow pace. When I go out of town, I'm usually wanting to come back by day 3. I miss this place when I'm somewhere other than the south. And with that being said, if I ever leave Mississippi, it'll be for Nashville. Seriously, yall.
No truer words have been spoken about the south than what was said in the picture above. Especially about summer starting in April (it normally runs until October). This year, summer started in March. After a long hot summer last year, we had approximately 5 weeks of winter. No joke. It snowed Thanksgiving weekend and was chilly in December. January rolled around and spring was here by the time I got back from Vegas. I mean, we did see days where it'd be about 40 for the high and people broke out their marshmallow winter jackets but then the next day was bright and sunny and 60 again. Then March came. March is such an interesting month for us. You never know what will happen and by that I mean one thing: Tornadoes. Normally, March and April battle it out for the stormiest month of the year. Last year, March and April were pretty stormy but April won that battle. So this year, I was half expecting tornadoes all month. Instead, it was the warmest month on record. And we actually had to the turn the air on for about a week. And now, here we are halfway through April and my heat rash has already started. For those who aren't aware, I have a lot of allergies. Apparently the sun and heat are one of them. I'm not real sure. All I know is that this sucks. My dermatologist just tells me to stay inside as much as possible and normally, I can do that. In the "actual" summer, I can walk to my car or the mail box and get a sunburn and break out in heat rash. But it's April for crying out loud! I shouldn't be worried about getting heat rash in freaking April! I mean, wtf?! I need to go buy stock in sun screen now. It's going to be a long, hot summer. And unless you know what it's like to spend a hot Saturday in the delta of Mississippi, I don't want to hear about hot. The temperature may say 95 but once you add in the humidity and all that mess, it's really about 115. We have an oppressive heat. The kind that sucks the breath out of you when you walk outside. Some friends of mine actually baked cookies in their car last August. Not even lying.
Welcome to the south, yall.
I used to hate living in Mississippi. I'll be honest. I would wonder what I did to get stuck in this hell hole. And if I'm being really honest, sometimes I still wonder that. Mostly because of the town I live in and the pressure people put on you to get married and have babies. But yeah, I used to hate this place. I'm not sure what exactly changed my mind about liking it. Slowly over the years, I've grown to like this place and it's now where I call home. It's too hard to explain to people that I was born in Germany because dad was in the Army and I lived on a gated Army base for the first 7 years of my life....because then I get asked if I have a green card and I have to be ugly to people. So I just say that I am from Mississippi and if I'm out of town, people start talking to me slow. But now, I couldn't imagine living anywhere but the south. I love the slow pace. When I go out of town, I'm usually wanting to come back by day 3. I miss this place when I'm somewhere other than the south. And with that being said, if I ever leave Mississippi, it'll be for Nashville. Seriously, yall.
No truer words have been spoken about the south than what was said in the picture above. Especially about summer starting in April (it normally runs until October). This year, summer started in March. After a long hot summer last year, we had approximately 5 weeks of winter. No joke. It snowed Thanksgiving weekend and was chilly in December. January rolled around and spring was here by the time I got back from Vegas. I mean, we did see days where it'd be about 40 for the high and people broke out their marshmallow winter jackets but then the next day was bright and sunny and 60 again. Then March came. March is such an interesting month for us. You never know what will happen and by that I mean one thing: Tornadoes. Normally, March and April battle it out for the stormiest month of the year. Last year, March and April were pretty stormy but April won that battle. So this year, I was half expecting tornadoes all month. Instead, it was the warmest month on record. And we actually had to the turn the air on for about a week. And now, here we are halfway through April and my heat rash has already started. For those who aren't aware, I have a lot of allergies. Apparently the sun and heat are one of them. I'm not real sure. All I know is that this sucks. My dermatologist just tells me to stay inside as much as possible and normally, I can do that. In the "actual" summer, I can walk to my car or the mail box and get a sunburn and break out in heat rash. But it's April for crying out loud! I shouldn't be worried about getting heat rash in freaking April! I mean, wtf?! I need to go buy stock in sun screen now. It's going to be a long, hot summer. And unless you know what it's like to spend a hot Saturday in the delta of Mississippi, I don't want to hear about hot. The temperature may say 95 but once you add in the humidity and all that mess, it's really about 115. We have an oppressive heat. The kind that sucks the breath out of you when you walk outside. Some friends of mine actually baked cookies in their car last August. Not even lying.
Welcome to the south, yall.
Wednesday, April 11, 2012
Everything is different
I really need to get back in the habit of writing. I always feel better after I write.
Lent is over. Most of you may know that I gave up complaining and bitterness to get me in a better place in life. I stumbled across a quote last week that speaks volumes of my life right now:
"It's funny how day by day, nothing changes. But when you look back, everything is different."
EVERYTHING is different. Everything is different for the better. Change is never easy. I felt like I had to tear myself apart to put me back together again. And, I have to say, I have never been happier. I honestly didn't think it would work. When I was challenged to do this, I said yes but didn't think it'd be done this quickly. Don't get me wrong, everyday is still a battle. Sometimes, it's worse than others. But, I choose to get out of bed everyday and face the world. I can't keep hiding from some crazy fear that was partly made up in my head. That's insane to keep living like that. Sometimes you just have to take a leap of faith and build your wings on the way down. I really hope this is all making sense. I can sit here and explain it all day long but I can't make people understand it. At least it all makes sense to me, because at this point, that's all that matters anymore.
From this point forward, I'm going to take everything with a grain of salt and keep on keeping on. While I do value peoples opinions, most of the time, I don't ask for them. I have to live my own life. Make my own mistakes. I'm my own hero. I have great parents and a great sister. So for right now, all I need is a friend. Someone who will sit here and listen to me and be happy for me. That's all I'm asking. Just be a friend. Don't judge. Don't hate. Don't say mean things to me or about me. Just love me for me. And remember that I'm not beautiful like you...I'm beautiful like me.
Also? I'd like to share this and challenge yall to it. It's pretty much what I did for Lent.
http://www.purposefairy.com/3308/15-things-you-should-give-up-in-order-to-be-happy/
Lent is over. Most of you may know that I gave up complaining and bitterness to get me in a better place in life. I stumbled across a quote last week that speaks volumes of my life right now:
"It's funny how day by day, nothing changes. But when you look back, everything is different."
EVERYTHING is different. Everything is different for the better. Change is never easy. I felt like I had to tear myself apart to put me back together again. And, I have to say, I have never been happier. I honestly didn't think it would work. When I was challenged to do this, I said yes but didn't think it'd be done this quickly. Don't get me wrong, everyday is still a battle. Sometimes, it's worse than others. But, I choose to get out of bed everyday and face the world. I can't keep hiding from some crazy fear that was partly made up in my head. That's insane to keep living like that. Sometimes you just have to take a leap of faith and build your wings on the way down. I really hope this is all making sense. I can sit here and explain it all day long but I can't make people understand it. At least it all makes sense to me, because at this point, that's all that matters anymore.
From this point forward, I'm going to take everything with a grain of salt and keep on keeping on. While I do value peoples opinions, most of the time, I don't ask for them. I have to live my own life. Make my own mistakes. I'm my own hero. I have great parents and a great sister. So for right now, all I need is a friend. Someone who will sit here and listen to me and be happy for me. That's all I'm asking. Just be a friend. Don't judge. Don't hate. Don't say mean things to me or about me. Just love me for me. And remember that I'm not beautiful like you...I'm beautiful like me.
Also? I'd like to share this and challenge yall to it. It's pretty much what I did for Lent.
http://www.purposefairy.com/3308/15-things-you-should-give-up-in-order-to-be-happy/
Monday, March 19, 2012
It's just the start
(This is what I wrote in my journal last night. I hadn't written in it since March 1st. I feel more at peace with things right now. I have got to keep writing. I always feel so much better afterwards.)
It's been far too long since I've written. So much has happened in the last 18 days. Mostly good. I'm learning to let go of a ton of crap in life. Most if it is petty and I'm not quite sure why I let it try to control me. I guess it's just part of who I am. I've spent quite a bit of time with family lately and I think it's what I needed. Plus, we were at the beach. I think I just needed time in a beautiful place to clear my head. I feel steady peace creeping back into my life. I haven't had that in quite a while. Having some kind of peace always helps! For a while, I kept getting this terrible, overwhelming feeling in me. It's hard to explain. When it happened, I would just want to hit something until it felt as bad as I did at that exact moment. I finally had to realize that by doing that,nothing would be solved. My life wouldn't be any better. It's kind of like worrying-worrying is like a rocking chair, it gets you nowhere, it just gives you something to do. Lots of other stuff has happened and in the process of watching this unfold and seeing how people react, it only makes me want to strive to be outgoing and different in a good way. I don't want to head down that same path and if something doesn't change soon, I am on a fast track for a life I don't want. I'm glad I can realize that now. God is so good to me. My family is my rock and my friends are my saving grace. I hope they know how much they mean to me. My life is pretty awesome...it's just time for me to believe that.
It's just the start.
It's been far too long since I've written. So much has happened in the last 18 days. Mostly good. I'm learning to let go of a ton of crap in life. Most if it is petty and I'm not quite sure why I let it try to control me. I guess it's just part of who I am. I've spent quite a bit of time with family lately and I think it's what I needed. Plus, we were at the beach. I think I just needed time in a beautiful place to clear my head. I feel steady peace creeping back into my life. I haven't had that in quite a while. Having some kind of peace always helps! For a while, I kept getting this terrible, overwhelming feeling in me. It's hard to explain. When it happened, I would just want to hit something until it felt as bad as I did at that exact moment. I finally had to realize that by doing that,nothing would be solved. My life wouldn't be any better. It's kind of like worrying-worrying is like a rocking chair, it gets you nowhere, it just gives you something to do. Lots of other stuff has happened and in the process of watching this unfold and seeing how people react, it only makes me want to strive to be outgoing and different in a good way. I don't want to head down that same path and if something doesn't change soon, I am on a fast track for a life I don't want. I'm glad I can realize that now. God is so good to me. My family is my rock and my friends are my saving grace. I hope they know how much they mean to me. My life is pretty awesome...it's just time for me to believe that.
It's just the start.
Wednesday, March 14, 2012
overwhelmed
I just got back from a lovely 4 day trip to the beach. I wish I could do that once a month. It was so nice to get away for a few days.
I'm picking myself apart again. Driving home yesterday, I got this horrible overwhelmed feeling. I can't explain it. It's been so hard. I have peace but I'm not okay sometimes. Sometimes, I wish I could just hit something until it feels as bad as I do inside.
I need a hobby. Like...painting. Or something.
I'm picking myself apart again. Driving home yesterday, I got this horrible overwhelmed feeling. I can't explain it. It's been so hard. I have peace but I'm not okay sometimes. Sometimes, I wish I could just hit something until it feels as bad as I do inside.
I need a hobby. Like...painting. Or something.
Thursday, March 1, 2012
life goes on
there are things that we don't to happen but have to accept,
things we don't want to know but have to learn,
and people who we can't live without but have to let go.
things we don't want to know but have to learn,
and people who we can't live without but have to let go.
and life goes on.
Monday, February 27, 2012
Word.
Yall, it's Monday. But the sun is shining bright this morning so that gives me hope that it'll be a good week! The week is only as good as I allow it to be and I'm determined to make it a good one!
Here is some things that have made me smile this morning:
"The longer you wait for something, the more you'll appreciate it when you get it. Cause anything worth having is definitely worth waiting..."
Lord, I needed that today!
"If you had a friend who spoke to you in the same way you sometimes speak to yourself, how long would you allow that person to be your friend?"
OUCH. OUCH. OUCH. I need to stop being so hard on myself. I definitely wouldn't keep that type of person in my life. Something to strive for today. I am way too hard on myself, especially with all that has been going on the last few weeks.
And last, but most certainly not least, I was talking to one of my very best friends this morning and she said that there is NO sense in creating problems just so you can worry about them. WORD. I do that way too much and I need to stop.
I can't say this enough...I am SO thankful for my amazing friends. They have truly been my saving grace.
Here is some things that have made me smile this morning:
"The longer you wait for something, the more you'll appreciate it when you get it. Cause anything worth having is definitely worth waiting..."
Lord, I needed that today!
"If you had a friend who spoke to you in the same way you sometimes speak to yourself, how long would you allow that person to be your friend?"
OUCH. OUCH. OUCH. I need to stop being so hard on myself. I definitely wouldn't keep that type of person in my life. Something to strive for today. I am way too hard on myself, especially with all that has been going on the last few weeks.
And last, but most certainly not least, I was talking to one of my very best friends this morning and she said that there is NO sense in creating problems just so you can worry about them. WORD. I do that way too much and I need to stop.
I can't say this enough...I am SO thankful for my amazing friends. They have truly been my saving grace.
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